18 going on 16.....?

So my 18th birthday was this past Saturday.
I spent the day with Hernan and his fam. It was fun.
But the whole day i felt like i hadnt gotten older at all. In fact, i felt like i was still 16.
Since i kinda felt the same about my 17th birthday too.
Maybe this will change with time, but i dont know. Its really annoying.

So my mom came home today from her trip up to Oregon, to check on our house up there. (my parents bought a house up there).
All she did when she got home was complained about all the things that '' I didnt do correctly" house work wise. I'm sorry if i had work, and had to cook dinner and everything for my dad, and do some school work. (i'm now a Vet Tech student at Penn Foster College. Online school)
As soon as she got home, i nearly instantly became stressed out, and doubting myself about everything.
So there for i have discovered/decided that my mom is what stresses me out the most because when she was gone, i was perfectly fine, feeling good about life, and my dad and i were actually getting along.
This is the main reason why i want to move out of this house so much. So i can actually have a chance at living my life and feeling good/confident about it.
Also, i want to really start my adult life, but living at my parents house, thats rather difficult to do when they still treat me like i'm a highschool freshman. Also, its tough to feel like an adult when my room has Johnny depp posters in it. and a pirate flag on the ceiling.
I really want to 'remodel' my room, but i have no money to do so. Plus it would be pointless if i'm going to HOPEFULLY move out in 6+ months.
I dont know what to do anymore.
I want to move out but cant.
I want to do alot of things, but cant for one reason or another.
This always seems to be the case.
Its like i'm more mature than i am, but i cant do anything about it because i am broke.
I hate many things about this life.
But at least i love at least a few things in my life
and those few things are what keep me going.

The good.....and the very bad.....RIP Jasper

The Good: Grand opening of Over the Top shop is Tomorrow. Everyone should come.


The Very Very Bad: One of my Rats, Jasper, died this morning. When i got up this morning, i looked in the cage, and Jasper was just lying there on the bottom of the cage, not moving.
I have no clue why he died, since he was so young, and he was healthy and running around yesterday. Maybe he had a heart attack, because he was extremely hyperactive.
What is really just killing me though, is that Jaspers buddy, Ringo, is looking for Jasper everywhere. In the cage and out.
I'm trying to control myself from crying uncontrollabley, but its proving to be hard to do. Very very hard to do.
Damn, why do i have to work today!?!?!?!
(pre-opening of Store)

RIP Jasper

training

Training for my new job today.
Then going with my sis for a few days.
Fun Fun!!!!
:-D

Chex

Hernans and mine little rattie boy needs to go to the vet.
He's been having raspy breathing lately.
And he'll probably need some medicine.
I've gotta talk to hernan about it.
I've found a low cost vet clinic here in napa, about 10 minutes from my house that'll see him.
They only charge a $25 fee for the vet to see him. And if he needs medicine, that'll be only about $40 or so. (hopefully less).
So yeah.
Thats all i'm up to.
Starting my new job at Over the Top Shop soon.
I do training tomorrow.
For everyone who was wondering about my new job:
I'm a cashier at this place called Over the Top Shop, over in American Canyon. Its a frozen yogurt place.
6 or 7 different flavors of frozen yogurt (that change week to week or so) And you can put about 50+ toppings on it! (50+ toppings to choose from).
Its a pretty sweet place. And since i'm in the first round of training, i'll be training other people as they come in, and i could possibly become a manager/supervisor.
So its really cool!
You all should come by when it opens!
I'll post on here and myspace/facebook when it has its grand opening.
so yeah.
Thats life so far.
My wrist hurts now (typing fast = carpultunel)

good day

its a good day today.
My mom decided to fiddle faddle all morning and so we were late to victorias birthday party. All because she didnt want to go to my sisters house.
But anywhos.
Its a nice day. Weather wise too.
So yeah.
I got a new baby rat yesterday!
He is fawn (very very very lite tan), and white.
His name is Chex.
I'll post pictures as soon as i can on myspace.
I cant post them on facebook cuz when ever i try to put pics on facebook, my whole computer freezes up, and i have to restart the whole thing.
So yeah.
Doing bday cake now.
maybe post again later!

Perty good day

I got Hernans Present today. But for the sake of him not finding out what it is, i wont say on here.
Cleaned the house this morning.
Went online.
Ate dinner.
I'm online again.
its cooling off, and its really nice. I hate the heat. It makes me really sleepy.
I have work tomorrow morning. ugh.
Luckily this is my last week working at Aberglen. YAY
Then i'll probably have a few days to a whole week off b4 i start my new job.
So yeah.
I need to get some white polo shirts for my new job. i think i'll need to borrow some money from my mom.
we'll see.

but i am le tired....

Yeah. I is tired right now.
But i cant sleep. I drank strong coffee around 7 pm. Shouldnt have dont that.
SO anyways.
I have been wanting to start a rattery (breeding rats), but couldnt because my mom wont let me. So i figured i'd just add another male rat to my group. So i posted an ad on craigslist in hopes of finding a baby boy rat.
And i got this email from a girl (same age as me) who has a rattery, and is looking for homes for a litter that one of her rats just had. So i reserved one of the male rats. (and 2 female rats for my sis) . As i talked to the girl, i told her that i wanted to start my own rattery, and she said that she would love for me to be a partner in her rattery. (i have all male rats, and she finds their temperments/personalities and colorations/markings very nice) So i am now a partner with a rattery!! :-D on my way to starting my own rattery!!!
But i wont start my own rattery until i get a place of my own. (or a place of hernans and mine)
So yeah.
OH!!!
I also got a new job!
I will now be working at Over the Top Shop in American Canyon.
Its a frozen yogurt shop. 6 different flavors of frozen yogurt at one time (it changes day to day), and over 50 different toppings that you can put on the top of the frozen yogurt.
Its pretty cool. (no pun intended) But they arent open yet. Thier grand opening is in about 2 weeks. Give or take.
So yeah.
This is my last week at Aberglen. Thank god! i work 3 days this week. So i'll get about a $60 paycheck from them as a last paycheck. Not good. But better than nothing.

So i'm going to bed now. my head hurts.
G'NIGHT!!!!!!

Today is good

I'm at Hernans house right now. Very happy about that. I feel like i'm at home. Seriously. No joke.
We're gonna go see a movie today with bryan....and i think hernans bro too.
So that'll be fun.
Hernan is taking a shower right now...............
ANYWAYS!!!!!!!
I've been craving danish pastries all morning. I almost stopped by Safeway on my way here to get some....but decided not to. Since i'm quitting my job, and i dont have another one yet. Hopefully my job status will change soon........very soon.

On a Sad note: Dark Bob the Goldfish died! :-(
I dont know why, cuz he was swimming around and everything normally last night wen i went to sleep. But this morning he was floating in the tank. I am sadened.
I havnt broke the news to hernan yet. (he named the fish).
I'll wait til he gets out of the shower....................
i seriously need to stop thinking of him in the shower..........
i dont think anyone wanted to know that.............................
I'm gonna go now.
Adios!

i miss him so much

Yeah, i'm missing Hernan SOOOOO much right now.
Even though i saw him earlier today. It wasnt for very long. We went to lunch, and then to the pet store. (he helped me name one of the goldfish i got).
I miss being in his arms so much. When he has his arms wrapped around me, i feel safe.
I dont feel like bad things will happen to me.
When i go to his house, i am so relaxed there.
I can actually sleep! When i'm here at my house, i am so stressed or anxious, or whatever it is that i am, to where it takes me at least 2 hours to fall asleep. Even if i am so mentally and physically exhausted that if i were at hernans house, i would fall asleep in seconds.
I feel bad wen i'm all sleepy at hernans house, Because i dont really spend as much time as i could with him really. But he'll always lay there with me, or i'll lay my head on his shoulders or his lap, and he'll move his fingers through my hair.
When i'm with hernan, i feel like nothing in this world can harm me. And i truly believe that nothing can wen i am with him.
And as long as him and i are together.
And we plan on spending our whole lives together.
God, i miss him so much!

i'm glad i'm quitting my job

My manager, Jerrie, is a total and complete bitch.
I gave her my 2 weeks notice, and she sent me an email essentially telling me how stupid i am, and how they have ''offered me more hours but i can never work them". (direct quote from the email)
BULL SHIT!!!
I have taken almost ALL of the hours that they tell me i can work!!!
The only time i dont take the hours they've offered is when i have to watch my sis's kids, or if i already have something planned. which isnt very often.
She also said that i'm demanding a pay increase from them, when i've worked less than 3 months for them. Which is total BS. Again!
I told her i want a Different, Full Time job, where i can get a better pay and benefits.
UGH!!
I seriously hate that place, and the people that work there.
I am so glad i only have another week and a half of that place.
And BTW
When i called to find out what hours i was working this week, Jerrie only said Tuesday (yesterday), and when i got to work, she had scheduled another guy to work.
So if she thinks that i'm refusing hours, that is total and complete Bullshit!

wanting to start life

Here i am again.
Typing up 'life' on the internet. But what else do i have to do.
I left farmers to go to work only to find out they told another guy to work the shift...and this is the second time my manager has done this.
All i can say is, thank god this is my last 2 weeks working there!!!
Yup, i gave my 2 week notice yesterday.
They dont want me to go, because as Sally (owner of the kennel), told me, i'm the best kennel assistant that they've had in a long long time. I know how to handle the dogs, i dont complain, i finish my work (well, up til saturday.......long story).
but i need more money.
Hopefully this job i applyed for and interviewed for today will work out. They are a brand new place. Still under construction. Its called: Over The Top Shop.
Its a frozen yogurt shop.
Its kinda like pinkberry (if you've seen the commercial or heard of it).
So yeah.
I really want to move out of my parents house as soon as i turn 18, but many things are preventing that.
It really frustrates me. But i know that i cant rush into things.
Especially since Hernan and i will be moving in together.
But all i know is: I want to be out of my parents house by April of 2009, and NO LATER!
Basically i need to find a full time job (in the process), hold that job for a long while, save up money, find a place to live.
Etc.
So hopefully all will go to plan. But i just have this gut feeling that something is gonna come up that will prevent that.
But like i told hernan a couple days ago.
If it comes to it, i'll move in with my sis over in petaluma.
No rent, all i have to do is help with the kids.
But only time will tell what will happen.

why am i so tired today?

i dont kno why. But i've seriously slept like, half the day!
not complaining, but i'm just wondering why i am so tired, since i've been able to sleep in the past several days.
I think its just the fact that it warmed up a little bit today.
Anywhos....
I'm not working today or tomorrow, so i'm happy bout that. mostly.
I am working Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday tho.
Wednesday i have to watch the kids for my sis, cuz its her and aarons anniversary.
And Friday, is the beach trip. So that'll be fun. Hopefully its nice and clear at the beach, unlike what it was during senior week. (foggy, then windy and cold)

So yeah. Remember how i got a new rat a couple weeks ago? Well, i decided to get another one. Another baby rat.
HE'S SO CUTE!!!!!!
Well, they all are, even Tre', even tho he's old and fat. lol.
So yeah. Now i have Jasper, which is the rat i got a couple of weeks ago, he's black and white, and the newest addition is Ringo, he is Brown and White.
I came up with this plan on letting my mom let me keep them (bring them home from work telling my mom someone abandoned them there), and at first it didnt work, but after a couple of days of thinking about it, my mom decided that she is gonna let me keep them. So now my 2 baby rats are legit with my parents.
Well, my mom at least. I'm still not sure if my dad knows.
But now i'm seriously thinking about making a blog for my Rats. So i may actually do that as soon as i am done writing this entry.
I know it sounds kinda corney....but hey, i'm obsessed about my rats, and rats in general.

Til next time!

good morning

Yup yup....it be morning.

i get to go shopping for new work clothes in a couple of hours. Then i get to come home and help mi madre plant a rose garden. So yeah. not much else going on today.

There is a gay cop dancing and singing in the middle of a busy street on my tv right now. Its some wierd movie on HBO.

wierd.

its too damn hot

I hate this spur of the moment hot weather. It got to be 92 degrees or so here at my house today. It was hell. cuz it was relatively cool-ish yesterday........oh, wait.....no it wasnt...but it was definetly cooler than today.

So i got that job i mentioned a couple days ago. I'm now a Kitchen Cutlery Salesperson for the Vector company. (they sell CUTCO products....really high end stuff). It'll be fun. But i'm hella tight on money right now, so i cant wait til i get started so then i can get paid.

I'm really tired right now, but i cant sleep. Its just too damn hot....as i've said b4. I wish i lived up in washington.....cuz then it would be no hotter than like...85. ( where i want to live, it would be around 75 or so, at the highest.) ( Grays Harbor, Washington) Plus, Grays Harbor is the home port of the Lady Washington, (the ship that played the interceptor in POTC 1) which is pretty awesome.

so anyways...i'm gonna try to sleep now...maybe. or i'll just stay online for a while longer. idk yet. But either ways....i'm done writing this blog entry.

its been a while....good song

So yeah, it has been a long while since i've posted on here. Pretty much i got tired of people bugging me about it, and plus i'm bored.

I've got a job interview today, at 5:30. Its something to do with customer sales and such, and its supposed to be good pay. But we'll see how is pans out. On monday i have another job interview with this new cafe that is opening in sonoma at cornerstone. Its called sage. I really hope that i get this job, cuz i think it'll be more fun than selling random products to people. (the job i'm interviewing for today). But again, we'll see how it pans out.

oh, last week i got myself a new baby rat. His (current) name is rascal, but i'm thinking about changing it, cuz i dont think its what his 'true name' is meant to be. So if anyone has any suggestions as to rat names, let me kno....and please, nothing stupid. I just thought of something i might do: start a blog about my rats....idk, if i'm really bored, i might just do that.

so yeah, gotta go get ready for this job interview, cuz they want me to show up 15-20 minutes early. so yeah, ttyl.

Band Concert last night....

was really sucky....we played horribly! and then on top of it all, me and my bf ignored me most of the night, and then left w/o saying bye to me....but now, cuz i was really pissed off at him, and i kindof yelled at him, and made him feel like a piece of crap, and so, that made me feel like a piece of crap, and now i dont think that he wants to talk to me anymore.....and i feel like i'm gonna loose him or something, which would quite literally be the end of me.....i dont kno what i'll do or what will happen to me if i lost him. I love him too much, and i cant loose him. I know i'm repeating myself, but its what's been running through my head all night, which is why i havnt gotten any sleep at all, and basically softly cryed to myself the whole night because of my stupidity.
Jazz band is playing at the jazz fest tonight and that'll be o so thrilling to play tonight with no sleep....ugh. i dont really even want to go....lately i feel like i've been void of life: i just dont want to do anything any more, other than be with Hernan, but then theres the whole issue-ness as i mentioned above with him. I really hope that we work it out. I sent him a message on facebook saying how sorry i am and that we should start with a clean slate, and that i shouldnt make him choose between me and the guys....its just a matter of waiting for him to reply, or for me to call him. i dont know....i'll just have to let things cool down a bit i think.....

a quick question

who knows the pro's and con's of student loans???

its hot

yeah, it is hot, even tho its like, 8:05 in the morning. At least it isnt like it was yesterday morning. That was pure HELL!!!
So anyways, life has been pretty good lately. My Senior Project Board Presentation is on monday, at 5:45 pm. I'm pshyched about it. (i probably spelled that wrong...) i seriously cant wait to get it done and over with. Today i am gonna go work with Gibson for a bit to make sure my laptop and everything like that works, so then we have no technical difficulties during/right before my presentation.
Tomorrow (saturday), i am working at the Garden Park from early in the morning, to early/mid afternoon (about 1:30 or so) and then after that, i have a couple hours to get home, shower and stuff before i go to my job interview at La Residence, in Napa. Its a nice little bed and breakfast. I really hope i get this job, because i really need a job, this job would probably be fun, i would get good pay, and did i mention i need a job???
So yeah, senior year is winding down. Only, like....10-11 days left of senior year? and high school in general.... ^_^
I just realized i forgot my phone today....damn. Well, thats ok though, because it doesnt work here in sonoma anyways.

district concert was tonight.

Yup yup....it was pretty fun, believe it or not. We really didnt do much...as far as babysitting little kids go. So yeah, i actually didnt screw up my solo in Cantaloupe. So i'm happy bout that. So yeah, right now i'm sleeping over at Amanda. C's house. We're both gonna go to work at the garden tomorrow.....fun fun. So yeah, i'm gonna go, cuz we're watching jeff dunham....FUN!!!!

life seems to be turning around for me.

Yeah, life has taken a turn for the better in these last couple of days. Because i am financially unable to go to the SRJC in the fall, i decided to look at 'at home' options instead, because i do not want to not have no further education after i graduate high school. So, as i was searching online, and found this online college called Penn Foster College and Career school. I was looking into being a veterinary techniction, and this college was the best one, where i can actually get my Associates Degree in Science AT HOME through this online college. This college has many accreditations, including accreditations with the Bay Area Veterinary Association (or something like that). The only thing is fully convincing my dad to pay for it, because he has agreed to fully pay for any after high school schooling that i decide to do, but my dad thinks that this is some huge internet scam or something. But i've talked to many people who have taken this exact course with this college, and they all say it is a wonderful and challenging course. But i do have to be patient, because my parents are very cautious about what they spend their money on, especially when tuition per semester is $1200. And i know that isn't much compared to a University or anything like that, but it still is alot of money.

so, here i am...

My boyfriend ......was.....mauling me.....not literally, but figuratively. Now his dad and brother are back at the house....yup yup.

Its Friday!!!

Thank GOD today is friday! I'm so glad that this week is over and done with, mostly.
So anyways....sitting in enterpreneurship class now. about 12 minutes left in class. Worked in our workbooks today....oh so thrilling. I need to check my email...not that anybody emails me anymore....its all newsletters that i get from gardening clubs, and such.
I have this weird bruise on my forehead....i wonder if i hit my forehead on my wall while i was sleeping or something. Cuz it really hurts.
Had to be at school at 8:00 this morning, not at 10:00 like the past 3 days this week. And we have an hour long homeroom today, which REALLY sucks, cuz my homeroom is really boring, and stupid, and did i mention boring?
Its really cute how my boyfriend, Hernan and i comment on eachothers blogs. Well, he hasnt commented on this one yet, but he did on my old one. And i comment on his blog. Its cute. ^_^
Ugh....DeVry University keeps emailing me, and snail-mailing me, and CALLING me....!!!!!
ITS ANNOYING!!!!!!!!

its been a wierd day

So yeah, it has been a really wierd day. i've been out of it all day, just kindof off in my own little world. I think i was around too many people today, and i only really wanted to be around one person in particular....Hernan. We havnt seen eachother since monday, and i really really really really really really miss him. Hopefully i'll get to see him on saturday after i work at the Garden for a few hours....well, more like 5 hours. lol.
So i asked my parents if i could borrow the car just for today, because i found out that my dad fixed it, but of course, they said no. phewie......but hey....you cant get everything you want. Thats life.
Thank GOD tomorrow is Friday, i dont think i could stand another week like this one....i mean, parts of it were really good and fun and such, but overall....in the long run....i didnt feel like myself, which made this whole week seem weird, and surreal.
But hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. And the weekend will be mostly enjoyable. I can predict that Saturday will be good, but it all depends on Sunday.
So til tomorrow.

so, i started a blog yesterday, and now started this one today....

Yeah, i started a blog yesterday on a different site, and decided to change to this site, cuz my boyfriends blog is one this site, so hey.....why not?! So yeah, right now, i'm sitting in the living room watching American Idol with my parents. Elliot Yamin is singing right now. i cant stand him. His mouth annoys me....it looks like a rounded ice cream cone.
Anyways. I may be able to take the car tomorrow, cuz my dad 'fixed' it. All that was wrong is that my mom didnt put the gas cap to the gas tank on all the way. So yeah. Simple simple.
I really hope i get to take the car tomorrow, cuz that would be AWESOME!!!!!!!
If i do get to use the car tomorrow, i think i'll leave and go see Hernan in the morning for a bit. Cuz he's not having a good week. And plus i really miss him terribly. Plus i owe him a back massage!
So doing my senior project hours today, i delt with all carrots. First i thinned out baby carrots, then i sowed carrot seeds, and then i ate a 'ripe' carrot. Which was very yummy btw.
So yeah, gonna go to my room, and call my Love, who should be taking his break soon.
So til tomorrow!

why am i always sitting in class....or was.

But at least its a different class this time. I’m in computer graphics now. Class is gonna be out in like….4 or 5 minutes….so that means that lunch is left. I’m gonna be leaving at lunch, to go hang out with my sister and the kids. Also gonna find out what happened in Aaron’s meeting yesterday with Michelle (Aaron’s Ex wife), Victoria (his daughter from that marriage), and the psychiatrist. He said he was gonna tell his daughter off because she doesnt want to see her dad very much anymore, (btw, Victoria is only 8 y/o)….so yeah. that’ll be interesting to hear what she has to say about that. Well, the bell is gonna ring in a minute, so i’ll chat later.

i was sitting in class

so here i am, sitting in entrepreneurship class. i’m really bored. we have to work in our workbooks. but obviously, i’m procrastinating on that. Went out to breakfast with all the girls this morning at Black Bear Diner. It was fun. Pretty good food too. I had a yummy chorizo scramble, which i put a whole bunch of hot sauce on and wrapped up in a tortilla, so it was kindof like a breakfast burrito, except better. So later today i am going over to my sisters house, to see the kids, and hang out. Then after that i have to go to the Sonoma Garden Park and work for a couple hours. Lovely Senior Project hours. oh fun. hopefully i’ll do something more thrilling than pulling weeds, or cleaning and organizing the barn. So til later!!!!

Yesterday Really sucks.....

So, wow, my first ever REAL blog entry. I think i’m actually gonna keep up with this blog. All the other ones i just kindof left out in the cold, to fend for themselves. Hmmm…..good metaphor. So yeah. Today started out as a good day, but then gradually declined, to the point of freefalling into disaster. Went to the Barking Dog this morning and got coffee, and did my homework. Then Christine came and joined me in the whole coffee and homework shpeil. Then we went to school at 9:50 in the morning-ish, cuz of STAR testing seniors dont have to be at school til 10:00. WOOT! 1st period went by fast, but it was lame and boring. Did a booktalk, and turned in some late assignments. Then we had lunch, and i got this form i needed for senior project boards, filled it out. Then we had 3rd period, and i worked on english homework stuff. Well, actually a ‘cheat sheet’ for my english test this thursday. Of which i’m still not completely done with. Then we went straight to 5th period, which for me is concert band, and suprise! McElroy hired this guy from the (REALLY LAME) hometown band to do sectionals with us and such, and the trumpets were first in line….This guy treated us like 5th graders. I seriously wanted to shoot him. So then, after that horrendous class, i had Jazz Band, which is my favorite class, other than the fact that it is after school. Plus McElroy had us play like, 13 songs in a row….it was torture to say the least, cuz my lips were dead from the last class. So yeah…..after that, my mom picked me up, and we went to SDC to go see my Senior Project Mentor, and as we got there, she was leaving, even tho i told her i would be there at that time, and i was. So she was all: “oh, i’ll have to mail this form to you, cuz i have to leave….even though we made these plans a week ago.”….so THAT was very frustrating. Then on the way home my mom was on my case again about how she and my dad are upset that i want to go to the SRJC in the fall, and how i am selfish for doing so, instead of Napa Valley College. So i’ve come up with a solution: i wont go to any college or JC at all. I’ll just go straight into working, because then i can save up money, and my parents will be happy with me. After all, its not about what you want, or what will make you happy in life, its what will make everyone else around you happy, right? At least thats what my parents tell me.