Band Concert last night....

was really sucky....we played horribly! and then on top of it all, me and my bf ignored me most of the night, and then left w/o saying bye to me....but now, cuz i was really pissed off at him, and i kindof yelled at him, and made him feel like a piece of crap, and so, that made me feel like a piece of crap, and now i dont think that he wants to talk to me anymore.....and i feel like i'm gonna loose him or something, which would quite literally be the end of me.....i dont kno what i'll do or what will happen to me if i lost him. I love him too much, and i cant loose him. I know i'm repeating myself, but its what's been running through my head all night, which is why i havnt gotten any sleep at all, and basically softly cryed to myself the whole night because of my stupidity.
Jazz band is playing at the jazz fest tonight and that'll be o so thrilling to play tonight with no sleep....ugh. i dont really even want to go....lately i feel like i've been void of life: i just dont want to do anything any more, other than be with Hernan, but then theres the whole issue-ness as i mentioned above with him. I really hope that we work it out. I sent him a message on facebook saying how sorry i am and that we should start with a clean slate, and that i shouldnt make him choose between me and the guys....its just a matter of waiting for him to reply, or for me to call him. i dont know....i'll just have to let things cool down a bit i think.....